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It felt as if an earthquake was taking place. The ground started shaking, though it was faint. Even though faint, he could pick up the sensitive vibrations. His near insane mind gave itself something to do by trying to pinpoint the exact distance from the house. It was a thankful retreat from what occurred only hours earlier. Xes had come again, taken out his desires for the day.
He didn't know how much he could take before he went insane or took his life. Suicide seemed the quickest relief, but there wasn't anything he could use to pierce his sickly-looking skin.
Dull violet looked to his binds.
If only his thumb was in proper order he could try and untie his ropes to strangle himself with them. But they were tied too well, the rope not enough to hang himself. He didn't have the strength to strangle himself with his hands. Xes fed him large portions once a day, but that wasn't enough to keep him in the smallest of health.
He was emotionally, as well as physically, slowly dying.
The quiet changed by something being broken upstairs. His head bowed, tiredly resting against his knees. Closing his eyes, he followed the movements throughout the house with his ears. Only steps could be heard; voices wouldn't penetrate through metal and concrete walls.
But vibrations would.
He wondered if Xes had friends coming over to gawk or take out their needs. He almost shuddered, but didn't have the strength.
He'd been down in the basement for god knew how long. He lost track. Day eroded to night too easily down in a concrete-walled prison. The only light he could see slipped through the cracks under the door and through the small peep hole in the middle. The hole used to spy on him - record him.
His mental self smirked. He knew of the camera and stopped any activity, giving Xes nothing worth recording.
The first metal door unlocked. Violet cracked open in surprise. What would Xes want with him a second time? The only other reason was food, but he brought that a long time ago. He couldn't tell if it was hours or minutes ago, but it seemed a long time.
Ears kept track of the single set of footsteps as they almost awkwardly came closer. His eyes opened a little wider, confused. He was having trouble figuring out what was going on. Unless Xes brought friends over and they didn't know the way, he had no way to guess what was transpiring.
The footsteps slowly came closer. His brow pleated minutely.
'They're almost...different somehow.'
Friends perhaps? That seemed the only answer. After all, Xes hadn't told a whole lot about his life, since he wouldn't give anything back. He would never tell Xes one drop that was his life. It was something he taunted Xes with, left him mysterious and without a past. He long since lost strength to fight back, having done too much in the beginning.
It hadn't gotten him very far anyway.
My compassion is broken now
My will is eroded and my desire stolen, and it makes me feel ugly
The footsteps neared the main door that kept him prisoner. His eyes closed, feeling shivers. He tried to still the shaking, to feign indifference. As if he didn't care he was going to be passed out like some rag doll. Like some whore.
He could almost hear his soul giving in to fearful insanity, bellowing silent laughter through the house.
The feet brought the person to the door, but they hadn't opened it. He was forced to wait. He felt like crouching into his skin as much as he could, but kept his hunched over position going in hopes they wouldn't see him. He wore the priest's garments when Xes kidnapped him, and still wore them. Though dirty and torn, they still did their job in covering his body.
He suddenly wished he could touch his cross, but didn't want to move and be spotted. It had long since given him comfort, but it was the only possession he owned. Knowing he owned something took the sanity away a tad, making him seem regular.
The door slowly clunked open, easier than normal. Covered by the mass curtain of greasy hair, he allowed a raised eyebrow.
Xes didn't open the door that easily. Unless one of his friends was strong, it couldn't have been Xes.
His mind started whirring slowly. 'Why would Xes allow one of his friends down here if he wasn't with them?' Indeed, if Xes were as possessive with his precious catch, he wouldn't have let any friend take their pleasure unbidden.
The first thing that hit him was the smell. A hand casually came to cover his nose, as if it were a mere annoyance instead of a fly attracting stench. It was filthy, smelling of body odor and piss. But with the weirdo they drove from the house, he couldn't have expected anything else.
His head turned away as far as it could, a hand on the door. "Hn." He softly muttered in displeasure. It would be hard to take a normal breath. He didn't know how that sicko could stand it.
Duo's eyes flew open so wide he feared they would pop from his sockets. He KNEW that voice! Only a single syllable had been uttered, but one he knew well.
He felt his soul start crying in thanks. All those prayers to God in the beginning HADN'T been in vain! But he didn't move until he had proof. Proof that his sanity wasn't playing a trick to pass the time or trick him into false hopes. He waited, crossing his fingers and hoping.
"Duo. Are you in here?"
The voice vibrated off concrete walls, sounding too loud and creepy in the silence. He felt as though a ghost should reside here, ready to jump out and take retribution for whatever befell it. He immediately pushed the feeling aside, concentrating on the mission.
Footsteps sounded upstairs, but he didn't fear - he knew who they belonged to. His partner was waiting upstairs, to comb the house for anyone else. It would help them find Duo and get out of this hellhole area that much quicker.
Duo would've whirled around to face his friend, but his limbs had fallen asleep long ago. Almost unbelieving the sacred day arrived; his head slowly rose in the corner he rested in front of. Back still to the speaker, his form was shrouded in near darkness.
He wondered for a brief moment if he could speak, as he hadn't in so long. It could've been months or years since he uttered a syllable. He wondered what his voice sounded like now, if it changed any.
Moving arms with that snail's pace, his head turned just as slowly. The light was the first thing that hit his eyes, blinding him. He softly cried out in pain, tightly covering his eyes with his hands. Now covered in darkness, he continued to move toward the speaker, to try and stand.
His head whirled about the room. It sounded pained and he knew he had to get him out before something else happened.
"Duo, where are you? I can't see."
The creepiness still resided in his bones, giving him the want to shiver in revulsion. The room was the stuff nightmares were made of, where the monsters hid before they went and scared little children. He took a few more steps into the room, mindful to drag his feet lest he step on his fellow pilot.
He still couldn't believe they'd found him HERE of all places. The house seemed innocent on the outside; not looking like it housed such a dank, dark room. But he noticed the absence of Deathsycthe on missions the past months. He asked the doctors if they'd seen him, but all said the same thing. In fact, none of the others had seen him anywhere. Hilde had no clue where he was and was worried out of her mind.
Duo's eyes took in the form as if it was god himself. He almost felt like falling to his knees and praising the presence alone. The gun in a hand seemed like a tool from heaven. A gun only meant better for him. He could take his own life, or steal it away and take Xes's.
They both seemed tempting.
Slowly getting to his knees, hands touched the freezing floor to support his malnourished weight. "H...Heero..." Duo muttered, testing his voice and the name on his tongue. Heero's eyes swung to one corner, a small lump barely visible. "Right...front...corner..." His voice seemed labored to his ears. But he hadn't used it in so long - it was only natural. Like a baby learning to speak, he would have to do it all over again.
He kept his head down, eyes tightly closed. The low light pouring through the door hurt his eyes. Even the lengthy bangs covering his face were no help. It was too much, too soon. He would have to get used to it at a slow pace.
I'm on my knees and burning
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire
He stopped a few paces in front of Duo, looking down. His eyes finally got used to the lack of light and now he could see Duo's shape clearer in the pitch. His jaw clenched at the disgusting way Duo's lengthy hair fell. No longer clean and in its telltale braid, it was limp and ratty about his body, a good portion of it lying on the floor from his position.
"Come on," He muttered, "let's get you out of here." He took a quiet breath and held it, the smell worse as he kneeled.
"Th...thank you...Heero..." He whispered, feeling actual tears burn. He hadn't been able to cry in what seemed forever, this seemed a treat.
Weeks, possibly months or years of being an emotionless doll had taken its toll. He was no longer happy and outgoing; now withdrawn, shy, scared, and obedient. Though he didn't wish obedience, it was easier than being defiant and getting hurt. Passiveness was the easiest way to stay relatively unharmed.
A hand scooped under his arm, helping him to stand. His joints protested the fast movements, not used to moving quickly. He felt his strength draining already but forced himself to go on, to escape. The door was open, Xes was gone, and Heero was here...he was FREE.
Heero gripped Duo's arm to steady him, surprised and disgusted at how thin it was. He could feel bones underneath skin.
His jaw tightly clenched, now wishing they hadn't run the owner away from the house. Either shoot the man down, or capture him and let Duo take his revenge at being captured for so long. He knew Duo wouldn't be so merciful to simply kill the man responsible.
"Can you walk?" He asked, not wanting to let go. The gaunt face that looked back seemed ready to break. Duo nodded slightly, almost unnoticeable. Heero nodded back, jaw still clenched. "I'll help you. You don't look in any shape to do anything on your own." One arms went around Duo's waist, the other holding Duo's arm over his shoulders.
Bbony fingers weakly grasp his tank and Heero tried to keep anger down. The man WOULD pay for this. He slowly walked to the door, Duo's steps labored and slow.
"Someone's...COMING..." Duo whispered, almost fearfully.
Heero glanced at him, but couldn't hear anyone. They stopped in the archway, the light brightening a small amount. Duo kept his eyes squeezed shut as tightly as possible to keep them safe. Heero's body was tuned to footsteps that sounded near the top metal door. Letting go of Duo's hand over his shirt, he went for his gun, ready to aim and shoot if need be.
"Heero?! Did you find him??" Those steps neared the metal door, a grunt sounding as it was pushed open even further.
Duo gave a meek cry and tried to turn from the light that chased away the darkness. The voice was too loud for his ears, hurting his eardrums. "Quatre..." Duo whispered, testing the name. "Heero...please...ask Quatre...not to yell..." Heero nodded and made for the archway to let the pilot rest. "Could you...find me something...to wrap...my eyes? The light...hurts..."
Resting Duo on the floor in front of the metal hulk, Heero nodded again. "You wait here. I'll go find something." He promised, turning for the stairs. He tried to walk up them as quietly as possible, amazed at how sensitive Duo's senses were.
He couldn't see down here and he was the perfect soldier!
Heero reached the near frantic Sandrock pilot, face grim. Quatre knew he found Duo, he could sense it. It was how they found his general location in the first place.
"How is he?" Quatre asked softly, not wanting Duo to hear.
Heero looked at the blackness that swallowed up the basement. "He needs something to cover his eyes. And try not to talk above soft voices or whispers. All his senses are extremely developed due to being in the basement the entire time." Quatre nodded, trying to remember where the bathroom was for towels. "You find something for his eyes, I'll look for his ears. That way he can come upstairs...and air out." He finished quietly.The look Quatre gave him was only going to be explained when he found out himself.
Heero turned without another word and started searching the house again.
Ten minutes later, Duo was up the steps, vision and hearing dulled to mimic his prison. Heero's arm wrapped around his waist on one side; Quatre's on the other. Together, they slowly helped him outside. Quatre could hardly breathe through the smell that encompassed his friend. He could only dull the smell by turning his head far away from Duo as he could.
Quatre tried to swallow down pity, but it was hard to NOT feel sorry for Duo. The physical form was so different from the one he knew.
Duo's nose was alive from the smells the wind carried. Feeling the sun on his skin dulled the cold he was encompassed by for so long. Even though cotton balls were stuffed in his ears, he could clearly hear sounds around the neighborhood. They were almost too loud. Heero mentioned on the way out they drove off Xes, but he kept his ears perked to those familiar footsteps.
Being out in natural light allowed the two Gundam pilots to take full stock on their friend's appearance. His skin was so light it was almost white. Blue veins clearly stuck out, making him a horrific sight to look at. His malnourished body was merely skin and bones all over. The ragged priest's garments he wore for so long nearly hung on his frail body. It was a wonder he could even WALK on his own. One reason the two kept arms around his waist, in case his strength ever gave out. Heero also took note of his limping leg, resolving to get answers about it later.
So smell my soul burning
I'm broken
"I need you to cut all lights to this room and don't talk above soft voices." Heero ordered, yanking the curtains closed. The other two pilots stood by, watching in mild confusion as their friend stalked about the room.
"What're you talking about Yuy? Why?" Wu Fei asked, narrowing his eyes in confusion. He briefly glanced at Trowa, but the man's face was an impassive mask.
Heero stopped in front of the two. "He needs medical help and Sally said to put him in here." A hand ran through his hair.
They floated above the blue sphere in near darkness, but the glow would be too much for Duo's eyes to handle. Blue looked to the ceiling, landing on florescent lights. "We're going to have to find some sort of alternate power source for Sally." A finger pointed to the lights. "He won't be able to see with those on."
The two looked up briefly before looking at the slightly Wing pilot, unable to figure out what was going on. Neither had seen Duo when he was brought in, not being on that side of the ship at the time. They converged on Heero and Quatre, but Quatre didn't want to go into it. He looked torn and distraught over something...over Duo. After Heero was through talking to Sally, they approached on him. They ended up following him into appointed medical room, watching as he performed all his tasks with a stiff tone.
"Where is Duo now?" Trowa asked.
"In Wing Zero."
"What's he doing there?" Wu Fei said, quirking an eyebrow.
"I left him there until he could adjust somewhat."
"Why didn't you bring Maxwell in here then?" Wu Fei asked. Heero closed all the curtains and planned on turning the lights off. It would be plenty dark if Duo was sensitive to light.
Heero walked around them as if he hadn't heard. "I just told you." He said, a finger swiping the light switch. The three were cast into darkness, save for the green glow of the machines. "He can't handle any light except darkness and he can pick up very soft voices, whispers even. All his senses are over developed. We're going to have to be careful until everything can dull back to normal."
"Can we see him?" Trowa asked. He hadn't seen the opinionated pilot in so long and slightly missed his company.
The three floated into the hallway, standing in front of the door.
Heero looked at the floor. He didn't know how they'd take Duo's appearance, but it wouldn't be anything good. He knew Wu Fei would go ballistic, but it would be hard to figure how Trowa would act. But they deserved to see him, they were friends after all.
"Come with me." He answered, floating through the hallway.
The three almost impatiently followed the pilot to his Gundam, seeing the door closed. Wu Fei's eyes narrowed curiously and he spied Trowa's gaze nearly the same. Identical thoughts went through their heads - why was the door shut?
They stopped in front of the hatch and Heero knocked softly on it, letting Duo know they were there; if he could even hear that well. Though with his hearing as good as it was, he suspected the youth would know even through gundanium.
He opened the barrier to the cockpit, head tilting to the other two. "Hold your breaths." He wondered if Duo would hear and hoped he didn't. He knew Duo couldn't help it, but his smell was atrocious.
They didn't know what Heero was talking about until they moved closer to the cockpit. Wu Fei nearly gasped and covered his nose on instinct, feeling a small measure of guilt for doing so. Trowa's face twitched from revulsion, but other than that, he showed nothing.
The two looked at the sight before them. Duo sat in the position Heero left him in, bunched up in one side to allow room to leave. His limbs showed no signs of moving, as if he were perfectly content in the hunched over position. The clothes he wore looked too large, as if he could slip out of them without much effort. Disheveled hair floated around him, tangled and intertwined.
Wu Fei's anger boiled and felt a thread of sorrow lace through the red haze. How DARE someone do this to someone he called friend and comrade! His fists clenched, wanting to hit something. But he stayed still, eyes transfixed on the pathetic creature. He didn't want to scare Duo and the small thing looked ready to break in two.
Trowa felt pity and grief. He felt as if the youth in front of him wasn't Duo, but a shadow of his soul. He took note of the dark colored cloth binding his vision. "Duo -" He uttered, faltering. What would he say? There were no words of comfort for the sad-looking Gundam pilot.
Looking up to see the enemy
The newest voice rang through his hearing. He felt a little less uncomfortable in old, familiar surroundings. Turning his head with that snail's pace, it blindly met part of the cockpit.
"Trowa..." He whispered, voice hardly carrying. The three pilots were surrounded in quiet, but his ears picked up every sound around. It sounded like everyone and everything in the vicinity was shouting at him. "Wu Fei...where...are you?" He softly asked, raising his voice as much as it would allow. He didn't need to use ears or eyes to know Wu Feiwas around. He could smell him - sense his presence.
"What happened to your voice Maxwell?" Wu Feiwas unable to see the pilot's eyes, but felt as if he were being watched.
"Haven't...TALKED...much..." He answered, feeling an insane smile start curving his mouth. The three pilots exchanged looks. He looked like an utter madman.
"Let's go." Heero broke in, trying to bring his friend back. "I have a room prepared. Sally is ready to get you checked out." A small nod from Duo's head was hardly noticeable, as were his movements. Wu Fei and Trowa felt as if Duo was trapped in slow motion. They decided to help the pilot, gently tugging him from his cramped position.
He allowed them to drag him from the cockpit. The old-fashioned instinct had yet to leave and he wondered if submissiveness EVER would. His body felt the weightlessness from being in space again. It was a joy to not have to use his strength and try to walk - he had done less and less over time. His ankle and waning strength wouldn't allow much use of his legs.
I have swallowed the poison you feed me
Sally was warned and told of how he looked, but nothing could prepare her for what sat uncomfortably on the makeshift table.
His hair floated around him in every direction, no longer in that attractive braid. His body levitated a few inches from the table. Legs rested against his chest, arms wrapped around them. He seemed comfortable in that posture. She stifled a gasp, bringing her hand to her mouth.
"It's...okay...Sally..." He answered, gotten the same reaction enough so far. She almost didn't hear him over the machines, but there was enough quiet as she stayed there observing and her ears adjusted.
She floated in, bringing authority and trying to add some strength. Maternal instincts flared and she wanted to bring a gun to the forehead of the bastard that left Duo in the shell before her.
Stopping before him, she rested a hand on his arm, feeling bones under cloth. Her concern soared.
"Duo, can you remove your arms please?" She softly asked, warned about his hearing. "I'd like to get started so you can have some peace and quiet."
His soul started smiling that comfortable insane smile. He wasn't aware it was poking through his physical form until his skin moved with his lips. "Quiet..." He muttered, lack of sanity coming from his voice.
Sally forced indifference, knowing he'd be more than mentally disturbed.
She removed his clothes for him, seeing as how he didn't look strong enough to do so. Her eyes widened at the number of scars adorning his body, past and present. Bruises around his neck were all but non-existent, though still visible on his ghostly form. Scratches on his chest showed small scars from having healed somewhat.
After what seemed forever of prodding and poking, she finished looking over his body. The cotton was still in his ears, dark sunglasses now adorning his face. Those two spots were the only things Sally couldn't get to. She didn't even want to try until he was a little better. Anything she might do would cause him pain, and she didn't want that.
He'd been through ENOUGH of it already.
Some time later, Quatre entered the examining room, carrying some of his clothes. His eyes widened and his heart bled. He eyed all the scars through the horrible lighting and felt like comforting the pilot. But he could barely come close enough due to the smell. Though it diminished from removal of the tattered outfit, it radiated from him.
Stopping a foot away, Quatre laid the clothes next to his hunched up form, staring at his side...eyes caught on a faded wound.
"What did...you need...Quatre?" He voiced, not looking at the pilot.
Quatre startled, then remembered Duo's senses were highly tuned. It was like dealing with a passive Heero. "I brought you a change of clothes." He softly answered, floating back a few feet.
Duo slowly turned to his voice, sunglasses still on his face. Through them, he was able to stand the glow from the machines. Dull eyes looked down, seeing identical to what Quatre wore, minus the vest. His lips tilted.
"Sally said my clothes should fit you since you're about my size now." Quatre continued, forlorn laced hiting him.
Duo donned everything, feeling the tighter fit than his previous wear. Some of it chafed his injuries, the ones Sally left unbandaged. She figured they were almost healed and not needing assistance. The pants touched some of the bruises around his legs and stomach, getting a small grimace before his face became an impassive mask again.
Quatre floated to him, taking a frail hand. "Did you need the cloth to wrap around your eyes?" He asked, trying to spot it in the bad lighting.
Duo's head bobbed slightly, swishing his hair a degree. "Sally...put it...somewhere..." He said, voice hollow.
Quatre's jaw clenched slightly. He spotted the black towel and situated it over Duo's face again. "Let's go get you cleaned up Duo."
Duo allowed himself to be drug throughout the ship. Submission was the main topic, but also blindness. He didn't even remember where his old room was anyway.
But I survive on it and it leaves me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed...
And I feel ugly and dead inside
The four pilots, Sally, Noin, and a few of the ship's crew resided in the rec room. They were mentally exhausted from witnessing their hallowed friend and pilot.
Wufei looked up from his blank stare on nothing, looking at Sally. Black softened slightly at the empty look she adopted.
"Onna, what is it?"
"How is he?" Trowa asked.
Sally rested against the door heavily, feeling herself tire. It hadn't taken that long to examine Duo, but she was glad to be finished. She didn't know if she could stand finding another bruise or scar on his body.
A hand held up the papers she filed out concerning his condition. It dropped to her side, the papers floating midair.
"Everything that's wrong with him. But don't read it here, let's go somewhere else." The three followed, Heero grasping the stack of. He wanted to get to better lighting and find out exactly what was wrong with Duo.
Shit adds up at the bottom
It took nearly a week to get used to the smallest amount of light. They installed black lights where normal bulbs used to be, allowing him to get used to sight once again. It was hard to have such a powerful sense back in his control. It was also a habit he kept breaking.
Walking around with closed eyes, the small black light didn't bother closed orbs. He was thankful he was somewhat returning to normal, albeit physically. The four pilots visited him all the time, but he never talked about what happened. He asked them a few questions instead.
"How long...did it take...for you to...find me?"
Heero glanced at Quatre, at the one responsible for his rescue. Quatre met his glance and looked at Duo. His form moved around in the black light, eyes still closed. He was sensitive, but at least he hadn't required sunglasses to see in such dim settings.
Duo stopped in front of the two, sensing their presence. He sensed their uncomfortable quiet and pressed his lips together slightly. "Well?" Though he could speak in louder tones, speech was still eluding him. But the more he talked, the better he would be.
"No one noticed your missing Gundam for...half a year." Quatre finished, head ducking. They'd been apart for so long, it was easy for no one to notice his absence. It was such a big universe, no one could blame the pilots.
Even if the pilots blamed themselves.
"I've...been gone...half...a year?" He asked, voice almost shaking. His voice was the only tool that gave way to fear and discomfort. His face was carefully and professionally masked of any emotion. His limbs never shook from the inner trembling he felt. Old habits died hard and some refused to leave.
"No." Heero denied, slightly shaking his head. "That was how long it took for us to NOTICE you were gone. It took a month to contact the others for answers, and another two to comb the area. Another month to narrow it down to the city we found you in and effectively locate you."
Duo calculated it all and slowly walked to his bed. Flying through his room was hard to keep a mental position. Plopping down, he mentally sighed. "Ten...months... I've...been gone...ten...MONTHS..." Ten months of being locked in Xes's control. Nearly nine months of living in the basement he was forced to call home. "Funny... I thought...it'd been...YEARS..." He replied, sighing.
Heero and Quatre floated to his side. Quatre tentatively rested an arm over Duo's shoulders, but the youth startled and jerked away. Quatre was surprised, but reminded himself of what happened. The boy wouldn't be ready for physical contact yet.
Duo moved away, feeling his skin crawl on impulse at backing into Heero. His head ducked. "Sorry...Quatre..." He softly apologized, feeling the need.
He stopped in front of his bed and sat on it. The cushy mattress gave way under his slight weight, put back on a little at a time with help from Sally. The actual bed he sat on felt too plush.
He suddenly didn't feel the want to sleep on it. He hadn't slept in a normal bed for so long, he didn't know if he COULD sleep in one.
He stood and made for an empty corner. It was a small shame his clothes fit him, they made it harder to relax in front of the wall. He drew both legs to his chest, wrapping arms around his legs. Resting his forehead on his knees, he felt a small sense of comfort and familiarity with such a strange action. Sleep beckoned him and he bid it welcome.
You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild what's broken
Two weeks passed almost agonizingly slow. His sleep habits hadn't returned to normal, but he was able to lay on a bed for half an hour before going to the corner and taking his position. He gained almost ten extra pounds.
Sally visited him everyday, examining him in his room to keep from leaving it. He was used to black light and they started experimenting with candlelight. He used sunglasses when she'd write by candlelight, but otherwise it didn't hurt much. His eyes weren't able to handle a lot, so it was unorthodox to take him into normal lighting outside his room.
His hearing was as acute as ever. He wished it wasn't. He could hear through the thin walls of the ship, sometimes two rooms down. Since his room was so near his fellow pilots, he could hear what they said about him. He felt shame and guilt, but allowed those old ways to wipe emotions from his face.
He carried an emotionless mask that rivaled Trowa's.
His voice became stronger every day. At least one of the pilots or Sally visited him once or twice a day to check on him and be with him. He didn't have such a problem with words, but there were times when he was forced to stop and start again. It was thankfully less and less as each day passed. It mercifully drove the quiet away, but only when they were there.
He never talked when left alone in the room and couldn't leave his new prison. The lights and sounds were too much - he had to adapt slowly instead of over-stimulating everything.
Taking use of the zero gravity, he floated in the middle of the room, arms and legs spread apart. His braid hair floated about. He almost missed his unfurled hair, missed the warmth it used to trap and keep him warm, but the ship was warm enough and his room was a little hotter than any other. He spent nine months in a freezing basement, his surroundings would be the opposite.
Quatre's pants and white shirt adorned his body, the crew unable to get any other clothes. His outfit was burned. He missed it, missed the familiarity it brought. He wished one of the pilots would be able to bring him another, but didn't want to impose. He had come across the outfit from Maxwell church, there were none left. It, along with his outfit, was burned to ash.
'At least I've still got my cross.'
Turning in the air, he faced the ground, staring blankly. Hands rose to his face, touching it with a sudden unbridled curiosity unlike his current personality. Perhaps it was the want to make sure he was real, that he hadn't fallen asleep and dreamt the whole healing ordeal he undergone. Or that he was dead and this was his newest hell.
Skin contacted with skin, assuring curiosity to reality. A small smile tinged his lips, the first in weeks. He had no desire or want to smile anymore. Realizing he was free of Xes's physical hold, though not emotional or mental, brought a small measure of freedom to him.
An idea came, so powerful he almost left the room in search for one of the pilots. But he reigned in the spark of life, forcing himself to wait until one of them returned to visit.
Too much, too far, too late to lie down now
I must arm myself to fight you by making weapons out of my imperfections
"I need you to do something for me."
They glanced at each other quickly in confusion before meeting his gaze.
"Name it." Heero responded.
Duo ducked his head, bangs covering his face, obscuring his vision. It all seemed like such a silly thing to ask now.
"Maxwell, what do you need us to do?" Wu Fei asked, eyeing the person floating in front of them.
Duo looked up Wu Fei, feeling an attack of shyness and passiveness surround him from the impatient voice. He looked away from the pilot's black eyes, not having the internal strength to stare for too long. His soul was still too fragile a state.
"I...want out of here." He nearly whispered, taking the two by surprise. Had they heard right?
"How do you plan on doing that?" Heero queried. Duo couldn't stand normal light, just candlelight, but that was a stretch at best.
"I have a plan...goggles." Duo explained. "Dark...DARK...goggles. They can cover...my eyes...allow me to leave my room." Heero and Wu Fei looked at each other, minds whirring. Duo's hands went to his face, bringing their sight back. "They can wrap around my head...keep all light out around my eyes." Fingers started from the skin near his eyes, curving along the circles that still resided. His face was as white as it was when he was brought in. "It CAN work."
That was three days ago. Three days of hoping and silent praying it would work. Heero let the others in on it and Howard came to him. The two conversed about his idea, the elder man trying to get an idea of what to work with. Howard visited Duo every day during those days, measuring his face and eyes, going through blueprints in the low light.
Another day passed. It took that long to construct the goggles Duo envisioned that would help him leave his new prison. Many on the ship pitched in to find materials to use to help.
Holding up the goggles by the strap, Howard smiled in triumph. "This should do it." He announced to those that crowded the doorway. He turned to the masses. Black lenses were nearly cylindrical-shaped, conformed to the human head. A leather strap would keep them in place, allow no light to enter, yet still allow Duo to move his head comfortably. "How bout we go let our friend try them on?"
Duo fit them over his face, darkness enveloping him. His eyes adjusted slightly to see those crowding in the small room. He fought off claustrophobia and submissiveness from so many eyes. His face masked on reflex.
"Thank you Howard...everyone..." He pushed off his bed, floating to the masses. "Shall we...test them?" They moved out of the way, crowding the hallway.
They were perfect. His eyes remained closed upon first step into the hallway, but normal light didn't bother him. Violet slowly opened, testing his reaction. Normal light was no longer a threat.
"It...works." He whispered, almost unbelieving. A real smile spilled over his face, breaking the mask. He felt more like his old self than he had in a year. Than he had in the previous month.
He faced the crowd, finding their forms mildly blurred, but it was a livable regret. The dark shading of the glasses didn't allow him to see color, but he would wait for that. He wanted to get the ability to see PERIOD.
It's all I have left, there's no other choice
I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and no one now
He stopped at the foot of his Gundam. He was silent, ears picking up the hushed talk and whispers. They were soon stopped and he guessed the four around him quieted the rest of the crew. He gave a small mental smile.
They accompanied him on his first journey out of his room in a month. He got to see Peacemillion again with a lot of help. But this way allowed everyone to work and he could be out and about. A small measure of peace situated itself with his haggard soul, sewing up the ripped edges a big.
He felt like a butterfly coming from its cocoon.
"How do they work Duo?" Trowa asked, eyeing his fellow pilot. The gleeful smile he first gave off minutes out of his room dimmed, but was noticeable. He was glad.
He turned to the voice, ears acute as ever. His smile widened a little more. "They're perfect Trowa." His body faced the four. "I...I don't know how to...thank you -"
Heero's hand shot in front of his face, stopping him. "You don't need to thank us. It was the LEAST we could do." He denied, feeling a little angry that Duo felt the need. He needn't do a damn thing like that. It WAS the least they could've done. They could do much more, but Duo was one to tread lightly toward.
His head bowed before he nodded silently. Turning back around, a hand touched Deathsycthe, feeling cold metal under his fingers.
"Deathsycthe..." He whispered, almost longingly. Part of his past, of who he WAS, loomed in front of him. His head craned up till his neck hurt, trying to see his beloved Gundam. Giving a small, tender smile to the lifeless machine, he pushed off the ground and floated up. The others startled, but followed.
The five stopped at the cockpit behind Duo, watching his reactions, being there in case he needed them. Duo turned to the four, sensing their eyes. "Can...can one of you...open the door?" His speech started slipping from awkwardness and shyness instead of disuse. His head moved to the barrier to the cockpit - to his memories. He was so close to discovering the person he had been not so long ago.
Heero nodded and changed his position, going to a panel on the ground. He pressed a few buttons, the four moving back when the metal moved upon command. His small task done, he floated back up.
Something in Duo's heart fluttered, mental and emotional exhaustion lessoning and building at the same time. He turned, ducking his head sheepishly. He wanted to fidget, to toy with his hands, but kept them neutral at his sides. "Do you guys...mind if I..." He trailed off, unable to ask.
"Take as long as you want Maxwell." Wu Fei answered, starting for the bottom. The other three nodded silently and followed, allowing him privacy.
He was grateful they were his friends, that they understood him without words. There weren't a lot of people that could do that. Especially now.
Turning back to the cockpit, he lightly bit his lip. Gaining momentum, he floated to the opening. Grabbing onto the seat, he situated himself against padding. Memories came flooding back, of times during the war. They played through his mind's eye, not needing to close his eyes to see. It had darkened substantially since he sat inside.
Hands slowly moved to the controllers, fingers wrapping around the gearshifts - the main things that moved his Gundam's arms. The cold sent shivers up his spine, reminding him of his prison. His hands pulled back as if burned. He stared at his palms before rubbing them together, as if trying to put heat into them.
A hand moved to the system, pressing a few buttons to turn everything on. Light from the outside poured into the cockpit, showing him the ship's interior on his screens. Pressing another button, he closed the door, enveloping him in total silence. He turned the screens off, throwing him into blackness.
Not needing the goggles, he removed them. Mentally calculating where his arm was, he let them rest in the air. The silence was heavy, pressing down on his chest, on his head. He could almost picture his soul looking at him, asking a silent question of what he wanted to do now.
Freedom and peace surrounded him, choking the submissive side that made up his being. He felt detachment again...that contented feeling surround his mind, embracing. His head flopped back onto the headrest.
Something unimaginable bubbled within him, something foreign. Something he thought he could never do again.
Tears welled in his eyes, floating to the air, joining his goggles. They spilt through his eyes in a downpour. He felt detached, if not for the overwhelming feeling that everything was okay now. That he didn't NEED to fear for his health or safety anymore.
His body hunched over, elbows finding his knees. Hands covered his face as he quietly sobbed in relief, shoulders shaking from the undertow.
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked
I'm naked and fearless
The quiet around the four was slightly tense, but something they could deal with. Their patience knew no bounds and had for the past month when it was concerned with Duo. There was no other way to deal with him.
Each focused their gaze on something as they waited for their friend to do whatever he needed. Each heard the door close but didn't do anything to stop it. Duo needed privacy in a normal environment; time to deal with his emotions.
They understood that.
Arms crossed over his chest, Wu Fei glanced at the top of the Gundam after some time. It seemed like Duo was never coming out of there.
"When is he coming out?" Wufei queried. He resolved to stay by Duo's side and help, but there were things he wanted to get done to his Gundam. "How long has he been in there?" Time seemed to elude him, as it had all of them. He wondered if this was how Duo felt, unable to tell day from night.
"He can come out when he feels like it." Quatre answered, body facing the metal hulk. One hand lightly rested against the leg they stood by. Wu Fei looked at the blond, wondering what he was doing. His eyes were closed with a look of deep concentration on his face.
"What're you doing Quatre?" Trowa asked softly, beating Wu Fei to the punch. Heero eyed the Arabian for the first time, moving his gaze from the far wall. Deep blue narrowed in mild curiosity.
Quatre swallowed hard. How could he explain what he was feeling? He couldn't put what he sensed into words. He felt an emotional bond with Duo from his space heart, something easier to feel than explain.
His eyes opened slightly, intensely glazed over. He didn't meet their inquisitive stares, looking at black metal instead. "He's..." His teeth nibbled at his lip as he tried to express what he was feeling. "Trying to pick up the hollow pieces to his soul." His eyes closed. "He's crying...something he hasn't been able to do in a while." Quatre looked way up in the general vicinity where their friend sat. "He can finally feel peace."
The three evenly looked up, unable to figure out how their blond friend knew. "How do you know this?" Wufei questioned, skeptical. Without breaking his touch with the Gundam, Quatre's head turned to meet Wu Fei's eyes. The Chinese youth startled at how clouded they were. It was as if the person in front of him was in a trance.
"I can sense it." Quatre's other hand slowly rose and covered his heart lightly. "I can feel his pain. It's radiating through his Gundam." A sadness crossed his face, his eyes closing briefly. They cleared up and his head shook, trying to clear it. "He's done." His hand slowly pulled away and he floated to the cockpit. The three eyed each other at their friend's strange behavior, but shrugged it off and followed.
The thick door opened and Duo slowly floated from it as if weighted with something. Quatre seemed unaffected, his face the only one unexpressive. "Are you okay Duo?" He asked, knowing his friend wasn't.
Duo looked at the four as if seeing them for the first time. He lost track of time again, something habitual to him. He stared at them through the goggles, seeing their eyes, even if they couldn't see his. "I...I would like to go back...to my room." He softly responded, dodging Quatre's question.
They nodded and moved back to the halls.
But I'm dead inside
Day after day for the past week he ventured from his room with help of at least one or more of the pilots. They emotionally held his hand while he left the dark area he resided in, lending their strength. But there were times when everyone slept and were unable to accompany him.
He donned his glasses and slowly left the room...alone. It was a big step, but something he did.
He silently floated down the hall, nearly blind. A lot of the lights were off, save for a few emergency to help see by in case someone was up late. He was sensitive to those and kept his goggles on, going by physical as well as distance feel. Even though his eyes adjusted to some of the darkness, a lot was too dark for even HIM to see by.
Sensing he was in the hanger, he moved and touched floor. The lights were too far away in such a large area, allowing him to take his goggles off, to see his Gundam without aide. It was a precious solitary moment, something that helped heal him all the more. He was doing this on his own, making the effort. Large pupils took in the area, adjusting to the light as needed. He was forced to put a hand in front of a few lights to block their strong rays.
He pushed off the ground and floated to the top of his Gundam, positioning himself on the top. He looked around absently, wrapping arms around his legs. Back in that familiar stance, his chin rested over his knees.
His nose detected the change before his ears did. His eyes were no help, though they could see in low light. His eyes were the only sense that was too over developed. His nibbled lightly on his lip while he waited "You...followed me?" He softly asked, eyes following the dark blur of human.
"Yes." Heero replied, hoping no one knew they were up here. Stopping in front of Duo, he grasped part of the Gundam to steady himself. "What're you doing up here?" His head jerked in slight shock, seeing his friend's face clearly. "Where are your goggles?" His head turned, trying to see if he could spot them.
A hand held them up almost like an unwanted prize. "I've got them." He answered, moving his arm back around his legs. Heero moved to sit next to Duo, mimicking his position. "Couldn't...sleep?" He asked softly, speech capabilities slipping.
"I heard you leave your room. You NEVER left it without us before."
His eyes left Heero's, looking at the area. They narrowed from the lights below. "I had...to try." He whispered, slightly dejected. What did he ask for? He wondered why he felt hurt for doing something on his own. Could that be the reason behind it all? He was so used to being obedient for so long, the thought of doing something by himself seemed foreign. He grew timid in trying to fend for himself, seeking internal acceptance when he did.
Heero sighed slightly, looking back into his friend's eyes. He blinked. "Your eyes..." One hand moved on its own accord. Even though it was extremely dark, he could see the intense pupils that blocked out all violet. It looked like there were no whites.
Duo's head jerked back, knocking him off-balance slightly. Heero grabbed an arm to steady him. "Sorry." He muttered, looking away.
Duo bit his lip and looked at Heero. "No...don't...apologize. I - I just...I - I just can't...help it yet." He mumbled, looking at his knees sadly.
A hand moved again, slower than the first. It rested over his shoulder tentatively, relaxing when he didn't pull away. Duo's muscles clenched, but he forced himself to allow Heero to make contact. He felt guilty for the first time and felt he should at least make it up.
You see...shit adds up
Now I'm dead inside
"So...what happened down there?"
Duo's eyes widened on their own accord, feeling fear eat at him. It silently cried out in pain. Heero's eyes left Duo's face. He was hoping to be able to talk with Duo, try and get him to release some pent up emotions. To help him deal. To understand what he'd gone through for so long.
"It's okay...I just - I can tell you...something about it... What...what do you...want to know?" His speech slipped more and he didn't try to fight it. Somehow, talking normally didn't seem so important in the dark. His two worlds blended together. The effects of his prison and this new place he lived in, and trying to get used to it again.
It was a hard thing to get used to, having the freedom to move whenever he wanted to. To not have to feel so afraid and shamed all the time.
"Why were you in the basement?"
A small smile made an appearance. "I...caused too much trouble...by being myself." The thumb he broke gained his attention, his hand lifting into the air. "I...broke my thumb to try and escape...my ankle as well..." A hand touched the once deformed ankle, now fully healed. His thumb was healed as well, that small amount of physical pain no longer a burden. "He...tied me up -" His throat convulsed, cutting his words and air from him.
"How did you survive?"
His eyes met Heero's momentarily, those nearly black orbs reminding Heero of Wu Fei's eyes. Duo looked away, solemnly. "I thought about the war...about my friends, and the life I had... The freedoms I once had...that I now have..." A small smile curved his mouth, thrown back in time. "I seemed to...watch outside my body...as if it wasn't happening...to ME..." His eyes clouded over, looking at Heero again.
Heero was nearly suffocated from the pain. But he forced himself past it, to continue on and get answers. To try and help his friend go through everything. "He...did he -" His lips pressed together.
Duo's eyes lowered . "Daily. It was...clockwork almost. He..." He swallowed harshly. "He...filmed me...until I learned about it...became submissive to defy him...gave him nothing to film..."
Blue narrowed. The sick, twisted bastard! His finger itched as if holding a gun, subconsciously wanting to kill the man responsible for the shadow he sat next to. "Why you?"
"I wondered that many times. He loved me...I guess..." His shoulders moved slightly, almost unnoticeable. "He...he...raped me...BECAUSE he said he loved me..." Emotions receded, leaving him empty. Making him as he was in the past, a lifeless, emotionless doll. He felt hollow. "He kept me to be with him...locked me in the basement...when I tried to escape...said I would get into the daylight...if I loved him back... I - at first I hated him. Everyday he made me feel shame...until I controlled it...masked my emotions. Hid them...angered him..."
A hand moved and touched his chest, remembering the whip that stung like needles. It seemed like another lifetime, like some horrible nightmare he was taunted with when he let his guard down. "He abused me...tried to get me to feel." Heero nodded, remembering of the medical report. "I pretended I was asleep. He never...hurt me as much...if he thought I was asleep. It worked at first...but he changed his methods...made me show emotion...here." A finger brushed his forehead. "Every time he did...he won that day." The arm resituated itself around his legs, hugging them tighter. "Everyday...I prayed. I prayed...you guys would save me..." His chin rested on his knees, feeling numb.
"You couldn't escape when he was there?"
"I was too weak... He carried weapons..." His head shook slightly. "I thought - I wished to die..." His gaze lowered to the metal he rested over, feeling shame. He was weak - he admitted that. "I just couldn't live...in that basement...used everyday...like his toy. It was too much..."
Heero could identify with the suicidal tendencies, having felt those a few times during the beginning of the war. But he was stronger now, changed from his encounters with the four. They became a small notion of friends and stronger as a team.
When they lost Duo, Quatre seemed the only one concerned at the time. More time passed, eventually concerning him along with the others. They started looking for Duo through his accomplices, coming to a dead end every time. It seemed to take forever to find him.
Dull violet noticed a small change in the atmosphere. The sun neared while he and Heero sat there. How he wished he could see it rise in space, beginning a new day. But his goggles, as dark as they were, wouldn't help. It would still be too bright.
His eyes adjusted until they bordered on needing those goggles. He wanted his small freedom to last for a little longer - heavily wished it to.
Slowly moving from his position, he noted his legs fell asleep, as they had did in the past. "Morning is coming."
Duo pushed from the head and stopped, turning to face Heero. Meeting dull, soulless, emotionless eyes, Heero did a double-take to remind him who he was with. "I must go...back to my room." He finished, waiting for Heero. He would go back with his friend, a small penance for keeping him up so long.
The two floated over the large open area silently. When they reached the hall, they settled on a casual pace to their rooms.
Heero stared at Duo's door long after it closed, mind whirling from what he learned. He couldn't help but pity and feel sorry for Duo, much as he loathed admitting it. He could understand the want for suicide after all he'd been forced to endure.
Blue looked at the door before turning for his room. He quietly closed his door, feeling solitude. Laying on his bed, hands pillowing the back of his skull, he stared at the ceiling. He wasn't the least bit tired, mind still too clouded with thoughts.
Now he knew...and he was going to try and help his friend with the horrors that plagued him daily for months. It would be his personal mission, to help Duo whenever he could. To do whatever he needed to get back to some semblance of the person he was before his capture.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive at the bottom
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